L'une des chroniqueuses du HuffPost offre sa liste des dix erreurs les plus fréquentes des parents. Je ne suis pas toujours d'accord avec elle et je roule carrément les yeux vers le ciel lorsqu'elle invoque son dieu, mais elle n'est pas toujours dans le champ. Voici quelques-unes de ses observations que je trouve particulièrement judicieuses quand je pense à certains des parents de mes élèves:
Mistake #9: Believing our children are perfect.
One thing I often hear from professionals who work with children (counselors, teachers, etc.) is that parents today don't want to hear anything negative about their kids. When concerns are raised, even concerns voiced out of love, the knee-jerk reaction is often to attack the messenger. The truth can hurt, but when we listen with an open heart and mind we stand to benefit.
Mistake #8: Living vicariously through our children.
We parents take great pride in our children. When they succeed, it makes us happier than if we'd done it ourselves. But if we're overly involved and invested in their lives, it gets hard to see where they end and we begin. When our children become extensions of us, we may see them as our second chance. Suddenly it's not about them, it's about us. This is where their happiness starts getting confused with our happiness.
Mistake #5: Missing the wonder of childhood.
The other day I found a Strawberry Shortcake sticker on my kitchen sink. It reminded me how blessed I am to share my home with little people. One day there won't be stickers on my sink. There won't be Barbies in my bathtub, baby dolls on my bed or Mary Poppins in the DVD player. My windows will be clear of sticky handprints, and my home will be quiet because my daughters will be hanging out with friends instead of nesting at home with me. Childhood is a time for free play and discovery. When we rush children through it, we rob them of an innocent age they'll never pass through again.
Mistake #4: Raising the child we want, not the child we have.
As parents we harbor dreams for our children. (...) Secretly we hope they'll be like us, only smarter and more talented. We want to be their mentors, putting our life experiences to good use. But the irony of parenting is that children turn our molds upside down. They come out wired in ways we never anticipated. (...) Forcing our dreams on them won't work. Only when we see them for who they are can we impact their life powerfully.
Mistake #3: Forgetting our actions speak louder than words.
(...) I forget is how my example overshadows my words. How I handle rejection and adversity... how I treat friends and strangers... whether I nag or build up their father... they notice these things. And the way I respond gives them permission to act the same. If I want my children to be wonderful, I need to aim for wonderful, too. I need to be the person I hope they'll be.
Mistake #1: Underestimating CHARACTER.
(...) If we want them to build character, confidence, strength and resilience, we need to let them face adversity and experience the pride that follows when they come out stronger on the other side. It's hard to see our children fall, but sometimes we have to. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves whether intervening is in their best interest. There are a million ways to love a child, but in our quest to make them happy, let us stay mindful that sometimes it takes short-term pain to earn long-term gain.
Mistake #9: Believing our children are perfect.
One thing I often hear from professionals who work with children (counselors, teachers, etc.) is that parents today don't want to hear anything negative about their kids. When concerns are raised, even concerns voiced out of love, the knee-jerk reaction is often to attack the messenger. The truth can hurt, but when we listen with an open heart and mind we stand to benefit.
Mistake #8: Living vicariously through our children.
We parents take great pride in our children. When they succeed, it makes us happier than if we'd done it ourselves. But if we're overly involved and invested in their lives, it gets hard to see where they end and we begin. When our children become extensions of us, we may see them as our second chance. Suddenly it's not about them, it's about us. This is where their happiness starts getting confused with our happiness.
Mistake #5: Missing the wonder of childhood.
The other day I found a Strawberry Shortcake sticker on my kitchen sink. It reminded me how blessed I am to share my home with little people. One day there won't be stickers on my sink. There won't be Barbies in my bathtub, baby dolls on my bed or Mary Poppins in the DVD player. My windows will be clear of sticky handprints, and my home will be quiet because my daughters will be hanging out with friends instead of nesting at home with me. Childhood is a time for free play and discovery. When we rush children through it, we rob them of an innocent age they'll never pass through again.
Mistake #4: Raising the child we want, not the child we have.
As parents we harbor dreams for our children. (...) Secretly we hope they'll be like us, only smarter and more talented. We want to be their mentors, putting our life experiences to good use. But the irony of parenting is that children turn our molds upside down. They come out wired in ways we never anticipated. (...) Forcing our dreams on them won't work. Only when we see them for who they are can we impact their life powerfully.
Mistake #3: Forgetting our actions speak louder than words.
(...) I forget is how my example overshadows my words. How I handle rejection and adversity... how I treat friends and strangers... whether I nag or build up their father... they notice these things. And the way I respond gives them permission to act the same. If I want my children to be wonderful, I need to aim for wonderful, too. I need to be the person I hope they'll be.
Mistake #1: Underestimating CHARACTER.
(...) If we want them to build character, confidence, strength and resilience, we need to let them face adversity and experience the pride that follows when they come out stronger on the other side. It's hard to see our children fall, but sometimes we have to. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves whether intervening is in their best interest. There are a million ways to love a child, but in our quest to make them happy, let us stay mindful that sometimes it takes short-term pain to earn long-term gain.